Here's a tale you may have heard
About a fairly tasty bird
Who lived with two appalling sisters
(Both of whom were utters blisters!)
She sat among the ash and cinders,
Scrubbed the floors and cleaned the winders,
Made the beds, and all that stuff,
Until one day she cried "Enough!
I've had it with this daily slog!
My sisters treat me like a dog.
I'm gonna get myself a fella,
Or my name isn't Cinderella!"
One night the sisters went out clubbing,
Leaving poor Cinders to her scrubbing.
She sat a while beside the fire
Watching the flames grow higher and higher,
When suddenly, inside the flame,
She saw a most peculiar dame.
A woman, dressed in white and gold
Quite pretty, though a trifle old.
"Cindy!" cried this amiable trout,
"Get ready girl! You're going out!
"Go grab yourself a nice hot shower
And get back here in half an hour!"
It only took her half a sec
To scrub the ashes from her neck.,
And get back to the kitchen, where
Her fairy friend was all prepared.
"Oh, Cindy! You smell like a rose!
Let's sort you out some decent clothes!"
Her fairy god-mum waved her stick
And sure enough, in half a tick,
The fairy of springtime did appear,
Bearing some drop-dead-gorgeous gear.
A dress, like you have never seen,
Of bright and sparkling emerald green.
Cindy, now smelling like a rose
(And less offensive to the nose)
Inside a frock that she was sure
Would have them queuing at the door,
Was wise enough to realise
That body-smells can put off guys.
Her fairy god-mum knew as well
That no-one likes a sweaty smell,
And nothing's worse than someone whose
Internal glands begin to ooze.
She waved her wand, and, then and there,
The summer fairy did appear.
She had balms, and scents and potions,
Perfumes, sprays and soaps and lotions.
She had skills beyond all telling
To prevent a girl from smelling.
And, so that none would turn their noses,
She showered Cindy with summer roses.
"Now, Cindy dear," her God-mum cried
"It's getting rather cold outside!
I think you'll need a nice, thick cloak!"
And whoosh! No sooner had she spoke
Than fairy number three popped in,
A cloak upon her arm for Cin.
This cloak the autumn fairy brought
Was not too long (and not too short)
And glowed with golden autumn hues,
(Which clashed a little with her shoes,
But Cindy thought it rude, God bless her!
To criticise her fairy dresser.)
"Now, listen, kid," her God-mum said,
You'll need some head-gear on your head.
A scarf, perhaps? A bobble-hat?
No, blokes would never go for that!
I know just what a fella wants
To see upon a maiden's bonce!"
She rapped her wand upon the floor,
And in came fairy number four.
This winter fairy looked as though
Her skin was made of whitest snow.
Her chin and nose and brow and hair
Had something of a frigid air,
But she was lovely to behold
(Although she did look awfully cold).
This fairy whipped out from her gown
The most exquisite, sparkling crown
That shone with diamonds, just like ice.
Cindy thought it was rather nice!
"Now," thought Cinders to herself,
"I'm well and truly off the shelf!
I'm looking good and smelling sweet.
I'll knock those blokes right of their feet!"
Her fairy friends were quite elated
At the babe they had created.
"But, Cindy dear," her God-mum smiled,
"Don't stay out late, my darling child.
I'm sure you'll have the best of times,
But leave before the midnight chimes!"
So Cinderella, looking fab,
Set off inside a minicab,
And shortly afterwards was seen,
In sparkling dress of emerald green,
Dancing upon the clubland floor
Like no-one's ever danced before.
She did the tango, and the rumba,
And some wild exotic number
That she made up on the spot.
I have to tell you, she was hot!
She was a hit with all guys.
She knocked 'em right between the eyes.
Especially one, a handsome youth
Who (if indeed he told the truth)
Dropped several heavy-handed hints
That he was some kind of royal prince.
The night was young, and so were they!
They fell in love (or so they say.)
They danced the twist, and sarabande,
Both cheek to cheek and hand in hand,
And then (unless reports are false)
They came together for a waltz.
Now Cinders really had a ball,
And never gave a thought at all
To what her fairy God-mum said
About the need to get to bed
Before the hour of midnight struck.
What a disaster! What bad luck!
Her fairy friends, that kindly crew,
Had made her dearest wish come true!
She had the cloak, she had the gown,
She had the sparkling diamond crown.
But, sad to tell, and here's the botch,
No-one had given the poor girl a watch!
She heard the clock begin to chime
And shrieked "Oh gosh! Is that the time?
I have enjoyed the evening so,
But really I think I ought to go.
I know you'll think this rather weird,
But I'm off!" she said, and disappeared!
